Listen babes, let me tell you something: Mario Kart is NOT just a fun little game. Oh no. It’s a psychological warfare simulator disguised as family entertainment. And nowhere is that more obvious than on Rainbow Road.
First of all — WHO signed off on this track? NASA? The Illuminati? You need astronaut training just to keep your kart on the track for more than three seconds. And while I’m out here serving iconic Princess Daisy vibes, some absolute gremlin with a red shell thinks it’s funny to punt me off the edge. Dry. Toast. Energy.
And don’t even get me STARTED on blue shells. If I see one more of those flying demon tortoises of doom, I will personally draft a strongly worded letter to Nintendo HQ. Honestly, it’s not a power-up, it’s an act of violence.
Meanwhile, everyone else is acting like it’s fine. Amber’s cruising along with Jonas like they’re on a honeymoon in Paris, Asten’s cackling as Toadette, and I’m left SCREAMING into the void while respawning every five seconds. If this isn’t character assassination, I don’t know what is.
So yeah. Mario Kart? Not a game. Not a vibe. It’s a BATTLEFIELD. And I am the tragic hero of Rainbow Road.
— Daisy Carter (still respawning, send snacks)
Asten Does Nostalgia 
Leave a comment