Asten

Before you say anything… yes.I am once again talking about Hannah Montana.No, I will not be taking further questions. But seriously — why did these songs go THIS hard?? Like we all watched it as kids thinking “fun Disney show haha” and now suddenly I’m here like…wait, why is this still a full bop?? Let’s… Read more

Before you read any further… yes.I had a full Hannah Montana performance in my dream.And yes… Myron was there to witness it. I don’t even know how it started — one minute I was just existing, the next I was fully spinning like I was on Disney Channel, living my absolute Best of Both Worlds… Read more

Can we talk about how some adverts in the 00s were just… unnecessarily terrifying? Like excuse me??? I’m just trying to watch Top of the Pops Saturday with my cereal…why am I suddenly being emotionally ambushed 😭 There were always a few that felt completely out of place. One minute:✨ pop music✨ good vibes✨ Saturday… Read more

You know when you’d finish a Disney film…and instead of just ending like a normal movie… something else came on? Yeah. That. For me, it was the Muppets shorts at the end of certain VHS tapes. Now look — I liked The Muppets.In theory. But there was something about those clips that felt… off. Maybe… Read more

I went to see a Little Mermaid panto expecting vibes. Magic. Maybe a tear during Part of Your World. Definitely Under the Sea. What I got instead… was a British crab called Sheldon. Sheldon. Not Sebastian. Not even a cheeky knockoff like “Seabastian” or “Bastian the Bold.” Just… Sheldon. This man came on stage with… Read more

There are some things that instantly take you back…and for me, it’s Vimto and a tray of chips. Not fancy chips. Not gourmet.Soft play chips. Slightly overcooked. Too hot at first.Served in a little plastic tray like you’d just completed a marathon. And me? Salt only. No ketchup. No sauce. Just vibes. I don’t remember… Read more

There are moments in life that change you. Graduations. Engagements. Big milestones. And then… there’s the time JB from JLS high-fived me. Let me set the scene. It’s 10am. I’m on a mission. Heart racing. Ticketmaster open. Fingers READY.This is not a drill — this is JLS tickets. And not just any tickets…I ONLY WENT… Read more

There was a time when the internet was a lawless place. No real profiles.No verification.No profile pictures half the time. Just vibes… and one question: asl? If you know, you know. You’d log on after school, hear that MSN sound, and suddenly you were:✨ available✨ mysterious✨ potentially about to talk to a complete stranger for… Read more

There are many reasons you might get sent to the headteacher’s office in primary school.Fighting. Swearing. Causing chaos. Me? I got sent… for body spray. Now in my defence, this wasn’t just any body spray.This was peak 00s, personality-in-a-bottle, “this is who I am now” energy. One innocent spritz. Maybe two.Okay, maybe a confident spritz.… Read more

I’m sorry but… HOW did we grow up watching this and no one questioned it??? Let’s take a moment… 📣 Dick and Dom in da BungalowKids screaming. Adults losing control.And a whole nation shouting “BOGIES!!!” in public places like it was normal behaviour 😭 🏰 Trapped!Why were kids being DRAGGED OFF to a tower by… Read more