The Time I Watched The Little Mermaid… and Sebastian Was Just Some Guy Called Sheldon 🦀

I went to see a Little Mermaid panto expecting vibes. Magic. Maybe a tear during Part of Your World. Definitely Under the Sea.

What I got instead… was a British crab called Sheldon.

Sheldon.

Not Sebastian. Not even a cheeky knockoff like “Seabastian” or “Bastian the Bold.”

Just… Sheldon.

This man came on stage with absolutely ZERO Caribbean flair, ZERO musical energy, and the aura of someone who’s about to tell you your parcel’s been delayed.

No “Darling it’s better…”
No rhythm.
No spice.

Just vibes. And not even good ones.

At one point I genuinely expected him to say:
“Alright Ariel, have you tried turning it off and on again?”

AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED…

No Under the Sea.

You had a crab.
You had bubbles (the ONLY redeeming feature btw 🫧✨).
You had the perfect setup.

…and you said NO to the ONE SONG???

That’s not a creative choice, that’s a CRIME.

Honestly the whole show felt like:
✨ The Little Mermaid: Sponsored by Budget Cuts ✨

But you know what?

The bubbles were stunning.
Soft. Magical. Romantic.
Very much “future wedding aesthetic approved.” 💅

So while Sheldon may have robbed me of my Disney moment…

he did give me one thing:

A reminder that my wedding will have bubbles
AND
the correct soundtrack.

Balance has been restored.

BOOM BOOM. 🦊✨