When “Girls.com” Wasn’t What We Thought It Was

A love letter to the wild west of the early internet — where one innocent search could ruin your whole Tuesday 😭

Category: 90s/00s Internet • Length: Snackable scroll • Vibe: giggly trauma bondingContent note: light references to dodgy websites / jump scares / “oops that wasn’t Barbie.” Nothing graphic, just the universal 00s experience of the web being an absolute menace.

Exhibit A: The Day I Typed girls.com

Age ~10. I’m expecting Barbie games, dress-up dolls, sparkly fonts. I type girls.com with the confidence of a child who believes in dial-up magic… and promptly meet the other side of the internet. I slam the laptop lid, pretend it never happened, and develop a lifelong habit of adding “kids” to every search term. Character development!

Daisy: Babes, early internet safety settings were just ✨ vibes ✨ and a prayer.

Harmless Searches That Betrayed Us

• “Dollhouse.com” — not a Polly Pocket in sight. Immediate regret. Immediate history clear.
• “Cartoon network” (spelled wrong) — ended up with a very different kind of “adult swim.”
• “Club Penguin UK” — phishing pop-ups that installed 57 toolbars and a curse.
• “Free screensavers” — congratulations, you’ve won: a virus, a dancing baby, and Ask Jeeves as your new overlord.
• “Britney Spears fansite” — fell into the pop-gossip trenches where fonts were tiny and opinions were LOUD.
• “Cheat codes” — cheat codes for your computer’s lifespan, apparently.
• “Funny videos” — got a screamer. Speakers on max. Mum: “WHAT WAS THAT?!” Me: “Homework??”

Daisy: If your search bar ever auto-completed to “.co.nr” or “.tk,” may your pop-up blockers rest in peace.

Why It Felt So Chaotic

There were no walled gardens, just pixelated banners and the promise of “Click here!!!” Kid-friendly search? Barely. Filters? Rare. Misspell a URL and you were in the Upside Down. It was the digital equivalent of taking one wrong turn at the shopping centre and ending up in a pub quiz.

How We Adapted (aka Tiny Cybersecurity Queens)

• Adding the word “kids” to every search: “makeover games kids.”
• Learning Ctrl+W like it was a martial art.
• Only trusting sites with purple Comic Sans and glitter cursors (the most reliable accreditation).
• Becoming experts at clearing history in 0.3 seconds.

Daisy: We didn’t have e-safety lessons. We had trauma and a pop-up blocker named “Dad.”

Share Your “I Thought It Was Barbie” Story

Okay, your turn: what innocent search betrayed you? Did you type something cute and end up installing seven toolbars and a haunted cursor? Drop your era-appropriate confessions in the comments:

1. What did you type?
2. What did you expect?
3. What did you actually get? (keep it PG but let us scream-laugh 😭)

Bonus: Tiny Safety PSA (Now That We’re The Adults)

For any younger cousins nibbling at nostalgia: use kid-safe browsers, stick to official URLs, and never click “FREE SCREENSAVER!!!” No really. Learn from Auntie Asten.

If this unlocked a memory, you’re entitled to compensation in the form of biscuits and a scroll through the rest of ADN. Next up in the Internet Files: “Scary YouTube Videos We Definitely Weren’t Ready For.”

— Asten (& Daisy, who still types “.com” with fear)