We thought it would be funny to invite Clark Kent to Mario Kart night.
We were wrong.
At first, he seemed fine. Quietly selecting Luigi (he said Superman was “too obvious” — ???), politely asking which button made him go faster.
Fast-forward two minutes, and Rainbow Road had him on the ropes.
Lap One: He’s cautious. Too cautious. Daisy’s already lapped him while yelling, “You drive like a GCSE driving theory question!” Amber is actually trying to win. Jonas is distracted, waving like he’s in a stadium tour encore.
Lap Two: Disaster. A red shell. A banana peel. That one cursed corner. Clark’s voice cracks as he mutters, “In my world, gravity isn’t this personal.”
Lap Three: Pure chaos. Daisy is screaming, Jonas has driven backwards for reasons unknown, and Clark’s kart has fallen off the track so many times Lakitu is charging him rent.
Amber tries to offer moral support. “It’s okay, you’re doing great!”
Daisy, at the same time: “YOU’RE A MENACE TO MARIO KART SOCIETY.”
By the end, Clark’s score is so bad the game thinks he’s a spectator. Daisy’s gloating, Jonas is still waving, and Clark? Clark just quietly takes off his glasses, sighs, and says, “I’m needed elsewhere.”
Some say he’s still falling.
Daisy’s Corner: Post-Race Analysis
“Right, listen. You can’t just rock up to my Mario Kart night, pick Luigi like some budget sidekick, and then proceed to yeet yourself into the void every eight seconds. Clark Kent? More like Clark Can’t.
Amber tried to defend him — of course she did — but I don’t trust anyone who treats Rainbow Road like a sightseeing tour. You’re meant to be fighting for your life, not admiring the stars.
Jonas… actually, never mind Jonas, he thought we were on Tour de France.
As for Clark — mate, you’ve faced aliens, supervillains, and entire collapsing buildings, but Rainbow Road? Finished you. Completely. And I respect that. It’s humbling.
Final verdict: 2/10 driver. Minus eight points for calling a blue shell ‘unnecessary violence.’”
Asten Does Nostalgia 
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