🎧 Boom Boom! The Album That Never Was (And the Meltdown That Definitely Was)

There was a rumour. A whisper. A flicker of hope.

Somewhere — in a magazine, on CITV, or maybe just in the breeze of the early 2000s — I heard that Basil Brush was releasing an album. A real one. With songs. Maybe even remixes. I don’t remember where the idea came from. All I know is:

I believed it. And that was all it took.

Because if there’s one thing about autistic kids with special interests? We commit. So once I heard about a potential Basil Brush album, my brain made a full playlist, a dream CD cover, and at least two imaginary music videos.

So me and my mum did what any good music lovers would do.

We went to HMV.

The Great HMV Incident of the Early 2000s

We searched the entire shop. We looked under B for Basil. We looked under F for Fox. We even checked the comedy section, just in case someone decided to get funny about it.

Nothing.

I asked the staff. Blank stares.

I explained — no, pleaded — that there had to be a Basil Brush album. I could feel it in my bones. But they just shrugged. Said they’d never heard of one. Said sorry.

And then?

Cue meltdown.

This wasn’t just a tantrum. This was grief. This was betrayal. This was the emotional equivalent of Basil himself looking me in the eye and going,

“Boom boom! No album for you.”

I’d been so sure. I’d planned for it. I was ready to feel joy. And instead I felt lost, confused, and completely dysregulated — in the middle of HMV.

🦊 The Album That Should’ve Existed

Years later, I still don’t know if it was real. Maybe there was talk of one, and it got scrapped. Maybe it was a Mandela Effect moment. Maybe I dreamt it and convinced myself it was fact.

But honestly? I don’t care.

Because if it had existed, it would’ve gone HARD. So here it is, in all its imaginary glory:

🎤 Boom Boom! The Album That Should’ve Been

• 1. Boom Boom! (Intro)
  Daisy: “Banger. Would’ve had me strutting through Tesco like I’m headlining.”
• 2. Foxy Moves (feat. Madison)
  Daisy: “Duet of the century. I’m picturing a campy power ballad and I’m obsessed.”
• 3. Mmm… Sausage!
  Daisy: “This would’ve been my theme song. Especially if Jonas brought snacks on tour.”
• 4. Tails of the Unexpected (Spoken Word Interlude)
  Daisy: “This is Basil’s version of All Too Well (10 Minute Version) and no one can convince me otherwise.”
• 5. Ringtone Rebellion (feat. Anil)
  Daisy: “Anil dropping fire bars about mobile phones while Basil ad-libs in the background? I’d stream it. On loop. Daily.”
• 6. Boom Boom! (Garage Refox Remix)
  Daisy: “This would’ve gone OFF at every Year 6 disco. I would’ve done a full interpretive dance in glowsticks.”

The Aftermath

I never got the CD. But I did get a meltdown, a story, and a lifelong sense of injustice.

It might’ve been just a rumour — a ghost album that never made it to print — but to me, it was a symbol of what could’ve been.

And let’s be honest: if anyone deserved a novelty music career, it was a well-dressed fox with a catchphrase.

So this is my tribute. My rant. My closure.

Justice for Basil.
Justice for Baby Asten.
And justice for every autistic kid who built their heart around something that never actually existed.

Boom Boom!
(…but emotionally.)