🎃 ADN’s Fear Files: The Dread of Saying My Own Name

There are many things I feared as a child: balloons, certain adverts, and people in giant costumes. But one fear that never quite left me?

Saying my own name.

Sounds ridiculous, right? But hear me out. For as long as I can remember, I’ve felt a weird, cringey discomfort around having to introduce myself out loud. Especially in front of a group. Especially when they’re looking at me. And don’t even get me started on having to say it twice because someone didn’t hear it the first time.

“Sorry, what was your name?”

Asten.

“Sorry?”

ASTEN. 😵‍💫

I don’t know why it was such a huge deal — maybe because I already felt different, or because my name was a little unusual and people always asked me to repeat or spell it. Maybe because I wasn’t super fond of attention, and saying my name felt like putting a giant neon sign above my head that said “LOOK AT ME.”

Even now, it’s not my favourite thing. I get awkward on voice recordings. I’ll type it, I’ll write it, I’ll wear it on a name badge… but say it? Out loud? In public? Shivers.

It doesn’t help that I’ve had people assume I’m saying Aston, Ashley, or once even Austin. Nope. It’s just Asten. Like Aston with an ‘E’. Or as I used to say: “I’m not a boy, a rock band, or a weather app. I’m just Asten.”

It’s weird how your own name can feel like a tongue-twister. It’s your whole identity, but somehow it feels too big in your mouth.

🟣 Daisy’s Corner

Okay but like… imagine being called Daisy. You can’t say that name without sounding like you skipped into the room holding a milkshake. I own it now — but growing up? Nah. I went by “D.” Like I was in Gossip Girl or something. “XOXO, fear of public speaking girl.” Also, shoutout to Asten for surviving school roll call. That’s the true horror story.