A dreamhouse? More like a nightmare.
Once upon a time, I loved Barbie. I still do. Dreamhouse Barbie was my jam — chaotic, iconic, and just the right amount of unhinged. So when that Barbie movie dropped, I thought I was in for the ultimate nostalgia fix.
Instead… I got existential dread wrapped in bubblegum pink.
Where was the joy? Where were Barbie’s sisters? Where was the Dreamhouse with its talking closet and kitchen blender that somehow had more personality than half the cast?
I know some people loved it. That’s cool. But for me? It was a glitter-covered letdown. And because I’m still mildly traumatised, I’m handing the mic to someone who has no chill — my fictional bestie and unfiltered icon:
💖 Daisy’s Corner: THAT Barbie Movie — A Pink Rant™ 💖
Right. Strap in.
I went into this movie expecting sparkle, sass, and sensible pink heels. Instead? Existential dread, flat jokes, and not a single appearance from Raquelle. RAQUELLE, the queen of chaos! Where was she?? Probably off somewhere being iconic while the rest of the film forgot how to have fun.
- Barbie having a breakdown? Me too, but I don’t pay to see myself on screen, thanks.
- Where were Barbie’s sisters? Did Skipper finally snap and go rogue?
- If Ken had more screentime than Barbie, just say it’s the Ken Movie and go.
- The dreamhouse didn’t even have a SLIDE. What are we doing here??
This film tried to be deep when I just wanted glittery nonsense and iconic outfits. I’m autistic, not allergic to joy. Give me chaos, give me sparkles, give me a pink convertible that flies through space!!!
Final score: 2/10. Bonus point because Allan was oddly relatable.
💬 Asten’s Actual Rating:
Honestly, Daisy’s being way too generous. I give it 1/10 — and that’s only because the cinema had decent air con. This film had so much potential and somehow managed to miss every target. Where were the vibes? Where was the magic? WHERE WAS RAQUELLE???
Give me Dreamhouse Barbie back. The one with the chaotic energy, talking furniture, and actual fun. Not this pastel-washed identity crisis wrapped in a Hot Topic monologue. Sorry not sorry.
Did you love it? Hate it? Feel spiritually attacked by the monologues? Let me know in the comments — but be warned, Daisy might reply first. And she doesn’t hold back 💅
Asten Does Nostalgia 
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