Apparently My Whole Personality Was Autism?

I was told I was autistic at age nine (diagnosed at four, but I wouldn’t have understood then). And yet… AND YET… there are still things I’m only now looking back on and thinking, “Wait… that was autism?”

Because I did a lot of quirky things as a kid.

Here’s my list of things that are so blindingly obvious now.

🫣 The Name Phobia

This one is weird. When I was a kid, I hated my own name. Not just in an “it doesn’t suit me” way — I was terrified of saying it. It didn’t feel right.

This was actually one of the things that made me go “ohhhh, that’s why that happened” when I was diagnosed. But I’ve only just found out that being afraid of your own name is actually a thing in the autism community — even though nobody really talks about it.

🔁 Again!

I was one of those kids who liked to repeat things. Songs, TV shows, even games. Repetition was like comfort for me.

Some kids would watch a film once and move on. I would rewatch the same five minutes of The Little Mermaid on repeat like I was studying it for a PhD.

I’d get obsessed with a catchphrase or theme tune (hi Basil Brush) and repeat it until everyone around me lost the will to live. I was living my best life.

🚨 Rule Police

I was OBSESSED with rules. Obsessed.

At school, if someone did something “wrong” — even if it had nothing to do with me — I’d freeze. Or cry. Or tell on them. Or all three. Chaos was not the vibe.

I once got so anxious when someone skipped the line that I just walked away from the playground altogether. Drama queen? No. Baby autistic.

🧍‍♀️ Social What Now?

I had friends. Kind of. But I was also… a bit weird. I’d say something strange, or go off on a tangent about something I loved, and then realise everyone else was staring at me like I’d just grown another head.

I constantly felt like I was performing, and I would replay conversations over and over in my head, wondering if I said the “wrong thing.” (Spoiler: I still do this.)

🎧 The Noise Thing

I hated loud noises. But also loved them?

Let me explain: if it was a sound I chose (music, TV, etc), I could crank the volume to max and be vibing. But if someone sneezed too loudly or dropped a pan? Game over.

Also, I needed background noise to sleep. And to eat. And sometimes to function.

💥 Meltdown? Oh, I Had Those

I didn’t “shut down quietly.” I had full-blown meltdowns — the kind that made adults whisper and kids stare.

If I got overwhelmed, overstimulated, or something didn’t go the way I expected, I would explode. Crying, shouting, sometimes throwing things — it wasn’t a tantrum, it was a full sensory overload. And no one around me really understood it.

Teachers thought I was “naughty.” I wasn’t. I was in crisis, and nobody had given me the tools to cope.

🖊️ Special Interests a.k.a. My Whole Identity

If you know me now, this will not shock you.

My interests weren’t just hobbies — they were my everything. From Basil Brush to JLS to obscure video games and kids’ TV shows, I went all in. I still do.

I’d info-dump, collect everything related to my latest obsession, and refuse to talk about literally anything else. I was never “just a fan.” I was the CEO of that thing.

🎀 Daisy’s Corner:

I once refused to eat jelly because it was “too wobbly and suspicious.” Also, I made a chart of everyone in my class ranked by who followed the rules the best. I laminated it.

Apparently that wasn’t considered “normal behaviour.” Whatever.

💬 Final Thoughts

Being diagnosed didn’t magically explain everything — but looking back now, it all makes so much sense.

If you relate to any of this, you’re not alone. Whether you were diagnosed as a kid or much later, it’s okay to have those “ohhhhhh” moments.

Apparently, my whole personality was autism. And honestly? I’m good with that.